Lost Love </span>
Lost Love Author: Khoi Nguyen
<span style="color:#333399">I stood above the gray stone, staring into the moonlit sky. I wondered what it would be like if she was here with me right now, holding my hand, watching the stars with me. I sigh deeply. I can almost hear the wind whisper her name into my ears.
Sometimes I even visualize seeing her walking down the lonely street in front of my house...
She was so beautiful, so loving. Her heart was so pure and true, and no one had loved me more than she did. I've never loved anyone as much as her...even to this day. I still write poems about her, hoping that one day I could take it along with me when I meet her in the future.
I smiled. She did like my poetry a lot, and my singing. Hell, her voice was so angelic, that her singing often soothed me when I felt depressed.
I closed my eyes for a second, on how it all started. Hey, maybe someday I could write this down and make it a story for others to read, and maybe they'll understand how it feels...
[One year ago]
"Victor!" said Lynn.
I turn around to see my girlfriend running towards me. She almost fell as she tripped against the sidewalk trying to catch up with me, as I was walking away from the school ground.
Laughing, I waited for her to catch up, "Oh great, I was hoping you didn't see me!" I tried to give her a serious face, and she slapped me in the arm.
"You're so mean. I don't like you anymore!" She said. But she started smiling and I gave her a big hug.
"Anyway, I wanted to ask you if you can drive me to New Orleans on Friday. My aunt's getting married, so I have to be there as one of the bridesmaid." She said.
I made it look like I was thinking really hard on whether I should take her or not. But of course, I said yes.
[The next day]
"Hey honey, help me pick out what I'm going to wear tomorrow." She excitedly proclaimed before she walked in the dressing room.
[Fifteen minutes later]
I shook my head when she walked out with a blue spaghetti-strap dress that looked like two sizes bigger than her. It looked so ridiculous, and even though I tried for a seecond to hold back my laugh, it just came out.
"You look really out of style Lynn. Did your fashionably challenged sister pick that out for you?"
She looked really mad. "Fine then! Go somewhere else if you don't want to help me..."
I apologized and said, "I was only joking Lynn, you know you look fine in any dress you wear!"
I knew she liked hearing that, although she acted like she didn't really care. I could tell by the way she blinked, that she was happy to hear me compliment her.
My girlfriend is so beautiful. Her dark brown eyes always seemed to have a spark in them. It's incredibly mesmerizing. Of course she tends to let her hair sway in front of her face, covering up one eye. Her soft pink lips are perfectly shaped to her face structure, and the smiles that she makes always drive me crazy.
"Anyway," she said. "What about this white gown here, it looks really pretty and it's a lot tighter too."
"You're not the one getting married," I said with a sigh. "I think you should try on that light blue dress. It will definitely look really sexy on you. You'll most likely be more beautiful than the bride and all the other ugly bridesmaid there! Not that I would pay attention to them you know..."
She started blushing, while I busted out laughing about it. "You think so honey?" She asked.
"I know so." I replied. "Besides, save that when we get married...ok?"
[Friday afternoon]
We drove down to New Orleans, to her aunt's house. The trip was about two hours away from where we lived.
When we arrived, everybody was busy running around, getting ready for the wedding. Lynn hurriedly ran into the house as soon as we pulled up into the driveway.
I knew I was in for a long day.
An hour later, when I arrived at the church and the second I stepped out of my car some of her relatives hurried me inside.
The ceremony had already begun, and I was late.
All throughout the wedding, my girlfriend looked so happy for her aunt and soon to be uncle-in-law. I would often see her glancing at me with such loving eyes. I already knew what she was thinking about, the first time she looked at me.
When the couple finished saying their vows, and during all the hollering and hooting, Lynn started crying. She leaned over to me and hugged me.
"What's wrong Lynn?" I asked. "Look, if it's anything I might have said earlier, please forgive me. You know how much I like to joke around and such."
It always makes me feel bad to see my girlfriend cry, no matter what the occasion or cause.
"Nothing’s wrong." she muttered softly.
She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "I’m just...so lucky to have you. Even though I don’t always say that I love you, you know I really do honey."
I ran my hand slowly through her hair and said, "I know Lynn, I know..."
[Reception, later that night]
"You know how I feel about you drinking Vic." Lynn said. "It’s very unhealthy for you."
I nodded in reply to her, "I know Lynn, this is just a little toast. Don’t be so uptight about it."
"Uptight?" She asked silently. "The only reason I would even mention it is because I care about your health. Maybe I shouldn't say anything." Lynn then turned her attention back to her meal and did not look up at me after that.
I placed my wine glass down and said, "Lynn, don't be like this. It's your aunt's wedding, you should be happy. It's not like I constantly drink you know. I'm only doing this for some enjoyment."
Lynn sighed and stood up.
"Go ahead! Drink all you want. I understand you don't find much enjoyment out of just being here with me. Maybe I'm just selfish!"
I could tell she took my words the wrong way again. Lynn turned around and walked quickly out of the reception hall.
I sighed. People were looking at me, some shaking their heads, while some looked like they felt sorry for me. I guess I could say I was used to this sort of unwanted attention, whenever I was with her. It was quite amusing, actually.
I excused myself, stood up and followed her outside.
"Lynn!" I called. She stopped walking but didn’t turn around.
I could tell she was crying.
"I’m sorry about what I said." I tried to explain. "You know I didn’t mean it like that. I know how much you worry about me honey."
"No, you didn’t mean it...but it still hurts." She turned around and tried to smile, unsuccessfully.
"I’m alright I guess. Sorry I must be on my period. You know how it is sometimes don't you?"
That got me laughing. But I also knew she wasn’t going to let me get off the hook that easily.
Lynn then said. "Well, now that we kind of settled this, let’s go. I got to stop by my aunt’s house real quick, she wants me to bring her the blue dress so she can wear later on tonight." I agreed, of course.
We did not talk much during our drive to her aunt's house. I really felt bad for having that one drink and making her mad. Of course, by now I couldn't feel the effect of the alcohol anymore.
"Victor?" Lynn asked.
"Yes baby?"
"When you said earlier that afternoon about how I should wait till we get married...did you really mean it?" She asked.
Without turning my head, I asked innocently, "Which part? The one about you saving that white dress, or the one about us getting married?"
She was quiet for a second, then replied. "About us getting married..."
I looked at her; "I want to marry you Lynn. But after I graduate, and able to support you and our kids."
She nodded, and smiled. "I would really like that...living the rest of my life with you."
"Of course! I'll have plenty of fun with you at night." I laughed aloud.
Lynn frowned and hit me on the back of my head. "You pervert!"
We both ended up smiling.
Later on that night, after getting the dress.
"Well I'm riding on fumes again. I guess I have to refuel." I thought.
I pulled up to the nearest gas station after I got off the interstate. It was late, and they were only accepting payment through a window. I paid fifteen dollars and went back to refuel my car.
Today had been such a long day, considering all that's happened. We still had to get the dress back to Lynn's aunt and possibly do some karaoke after that.
Maybe after that Lynn and I could go watch a movie or something...
"Alright buddy, put the gas pump back in place and slowly turn around." I heard someone say.
I turned around to see a guy pointing a gun at me. I slowly put the pump back and closed the valve.
He had a mask on, so I couldn't see his face at all. He opened the back door, and said, "Slowly get in your seat and drive."
I opened the door, to see Lynn with a scared, panicky look on her face. I tried to give her a reassuring look, but it didn't work very well.
"Ok pal, drive off onto the interstate. I'll tell you where to go from there." he said, while in the back seat.
I drove on...
At this moment, my mind was racing back and forth. I tried to think of what to do to avoid being killed, but at the same time, prevent him from doing us any real harm...or do something bad to my girlfriend.
I thought about situations where I might be able to grab his gun, or maybe jump him when he's not looking. But, it all came out faulty.
I mean, I only saw these kind of stuff happening in movies, not now...not here...not while I had someone else to worry about...
Lynn was quietly sobbing beside me. I wondered what she was thinking about.
I felt utterly useless
We drove for ten minutes, before I had to pull off into an exit, which I was unfamiliar with.
"Turn right here, into that parking lot." He said. "Get out of the car there."
At this point I was frantically pacing back and forth inside my head, wondering what was going to happen next. God how I hoped we weren't in this situation right now...
We got out of the car, and so did he.
. "Don't try to do anything reckless hero, or something might happen to you and your girlfriend there. Just get to the front of the car - both of you!"
I turn around after walking up in front of the car. Lynn cried softly and inched over behind me slowly.
"Alright man, take the car. Just please don't hurt us." I said slowly and calmly.
"Don't tell me what to do!" He shouted.
Lynn cried softly and begged for him not to hurt us, that he had what he wanted, so just leave us alone.
I don't know if that was what made him mad, or that he just wanted to, because the next thing I know, I heard a loud BANG, and felt a sharp pain to the riight of my stomach.
I fell backward and heard another scream echoing in my ear. It came from Lynn.
Then I heard another BANG and I knew what had happened.
I felt the air escaping from my throat as I let out a scream, "Nooo!" My mind was unconcious for I could not hear my own scream as it echoed into the night.
I knew what had happened, because I saw Lynn fall quickly to the ground - her head hitting the cement. Blood was quickly seeping through her clothes.
I also heard the car screeching, and saw my car's tail lights dimming out as I struggled to get up.
I crawled over to Lynn to see her shaking, and sweating profusely. Tears were flowing down from my eyes so hard that I could barely see straight.
I managed to tear off my shirt and pressed down on her bullet wound. She cried and screamed in pain.
"Just hold on baby, just hold on!" I said frantically.
I inspected my wound and found that the bullet that grazed an area above my waist, though I was bleeding pretty bad.
I covered it by tying a portion of my shirt tightly over my whole waist. It was very painful, but I knew that it wasn't nearly as bad as Lynn's wound.
I knew I had to find help, and fast. I held down on Lynn's wound while looking around the parking lot. It was deserted and so was most of the surrounding area.
By putting my arms under her knees and neck, I was able to lift her gently onto my arms and positioned against me. I felt weak and weary at the time, but the adrenaline must have been released inside of me, for I felt the strength surge through my body.
I couldn't stop the tears from falling, because as I walked down the road, she would wince in pain and cried softly, with her head leaning on my chest.
I couldn't stop looking at her...so helpless, but at the same time, still holding onto with all her will.
She struggled to speak to me, but failed cause she would either cough or choke on her own words. Her eyes never dried up, and neither did mine. I told her to save her strength and try to hold on. My shirt managed to somewhat hold off the bleeding for her, but I was drenched in my own blood.
I didn't care, because it wasn't my life I was worried about...it was hers.
The deserted road was long and dark. I stumbled a couple of times. There were even moments of carrying her that I felt I couldn't hold on anymore. But I knew I just had to... I just had to for her...
This was during the month of August, and the cool wind aided me as I carried her in my arms.
She could not fall asleep because of her acute pain. I tried talking to her to keep her mind away from our troubles.
I reminisced back to how I first met her, how she had walked down that lonely hall, and where I first had the courage to talk to her - six years ago, when we were still teenagers.
"Lynn, you've changed who I was back when I first met you. I was a wreck, I didn't even have much of a future then. When you moved away a few years after that, I was devavstated!"
I talked about when she first sang to me, or how she had first asked me to dance, alone, outside on the school's parking lot.
With a small chuckle, I realized that was when I had really felt my love for her.
"Remember my pick-up line Lynn?" I asked. "I think it went something like this... I matched each stars with something that I liked about you. I was doing fine, until I ran out of stars."
Lynn managed to open her eyes and smile softly at me. I gazed down into her sad eyes and gently stroked her cheeks.
"Hold on Lynn." I said. "I won't let you die... remember, I promised you that we would get married, and that we'll have a wonderful life together. I even have your wedding ring in my wallet honey, just in case I found the right moment for us! Please don't die..."
I saw Lynn's lip curve slowly into a smile again. She then leaned her head against my chest and took slow, long breaths.
"I had promised you, that no matter what, I will always take care of you. Remember baby? Remember? We can't end our lives like this! I won't lose you!" I screamed into the night.
I saw lights behind me, and turned to see a car stopping on the road beside me.
The window of the car rolled down and I said quickly. "Help us please! My girlfriend and I got mugged. She's hurt badly, and I need to get her to a hospital quick!"
A man jumped out of the car and opened the passenger's door for me, and said, "Hurry young man, I'll get you two to a hospital."
I was so grateful for this savior, but I didn't know what else to do but nod at him and climbed in the car.
We had Lynn laid on the seat with her head gently placed on my lap. The stranger quickly took off to the hospital...
During the ride, I felt so relieved. I told the stranger my story.
I didn't really talk much to him cause I was really worried about Lynn.
My wound was still painful, but I was fine.
I looked down at Lynn, realizing how much I had really cared for her, all this time. It takes something like this, something so wrong, and so hard, to make me realize it...
Lynn closed her eyes for a few seconds, then opened them to look at me. She softly said, "I love you..."
I leaned down to kiss her on the lips and brush her beautiful hair before saying, "I love you too..."
When we arrived at the hospital, I carried Lynn in. I was screaming, "I need a doctor quick!"
Soon they had her on a stretcher and rushed to ER and were trying to force me on one too.
"No!"I shouted, as I tried to follow her. "I want to be with her!"
I didn't care about myself at the moment. All I thought about was Lynn!
"Lynn! Don't leave me!" I shouted. "Wait for me Lynn..."
My knees gave out and I collapsed, hitting the cold floor before I passed out.
"Lynn, doesn't this night seem so peaceful? We're all alone out here."
Lynn is looking at me. What should I do? I don't even know how to kiss a girl properly. Should I kiss her? Her lips looks so soft!
"Victor, I...I love you"
She had to be serious! But it can't be, I didn't know I was good enough to deserve this.
"What did you say Lynn?"
"Victor you've made me love you in a way that I've never even gave to myself. I never thought I'd have to chance to confess to you that I love you"
She gave me a big smile and I held her chin up with my fingers, and leaned forward to kiss her.
"Guess what Lynn?"
"I love you too..."
Love is not two souls finding each other, but one soul finding it's other half.
-Unknown
[Next Morning]
I woke up to the light beaming in from outside the hospital's window. It was around nine o'clock in the morning. I looked around to see flowers on a desk and my clothes hung on the bed. A nurse walked in.
"Where is Lynn?" I asked.
She looked at me sympathetically. I knew something was wrong...
"You did a wonderful thing, and although you are healing, your girlfriend is on life-support right now..."
"What?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing...
"Well evidently, the bullet damaged many of the functional systems near her heart, and along her muscles. When you brought her in, her heart was failing and the doctors could not stabilize it."
I jumped out of bed and ran for the door. "Lynn!" I shouted.
I was so confused. I couldn't believe it. Nothing's supposed to happen to Lynn.
Some of the other nurses pointed me to where Lynn was, and I rushed there, crying.
I found her aunt, and all her family, plus mine, outside her room...
"Victor." Her dad said. "I want to thank you for taking care of Lynn...but..."
I didn't even talk to my family, for they understood what I was going through, so they just let me pass.
I pushed open the door. Lynn was inside, attached to a machine.
"Is she going to be alright?" I asked.
"The doctors were unable to help her. The best they could do right now is to put her on life-support. They've tried their best, there's nothing else that can be done now, except to pray. Lynn is dying..." Her dad said.
His eyes were red and teary. No longer was the strong man that I had met when Lynn first introduced me to her warm family.
I hugged him and then talked to Lynn's family for a bit.
"The doctors said that the painkillers they gave her won't have much effect for long.
She's be in tremendous amount of pain by either tonight or tomorrow..." Her mom said.
I felt my heart shatter, just by knowing that...
I asked, "So...what did they recommend?"
Her parents looked at each other, slowly turned their heads towards me with watery eyes. Her dad said, "They suggest that she either stays here till she goes...or..."
"Or what?"
"Or...that we agree...to pull the plug..."
My legs gave way and I fell hard against the chair. No! I can't bare to see her in pain...but I don't want to lose her like that...
"Isn't there another option!?"
"No Victor, I'm afraid there's not" Her mom said and burst out crying.
My dad walked over and held me tightly. It had been a long time since I've received a hug from my dad. I moved back a step and asked him, "Do you have my wallet dad?"
"Yes I do, it was in your pants. I took them out just in case." My dad replied.
I whispered, "Thank you"
I walked over to Lynn slowly, and watched her as she slept peacefully in front of me, probably unaware of what was happening.
If someone had seen her now, they would have never guessed all the things she's been through - her pain, her struggle, her love.
People would never know what she was like before this...before she was strapped to this machine...I do...and that's why it's killing me inside right now...
She moaned softly and stirred a little. I tried to dry my eyes, but god, the tears won't stop coming...
"Baby? Remember how I told you I would always take care of you? Well, I can't do that anymore for you baby...I'm sorry..."
"I couldn't protect you when you needed me the most. I couldn't ease your pains, nor could I take any of it away. I'm useless" I cried. " I know you're trying your best to be alive for me baby. We'll never get the chance to live with each other, like we've planned to. Maybe I should have bought you that dress you've wanted to wear, so at least I would have seen what you would have looked like, how it would have been if you were marrying me... I'll go pick out that dress today ok? I'll bring it to you, and leave it next to your side."
I knelt down and gently took her hands into mine. I know she could not physically control her body, but I could tell she was aware of my presence. I had to do this before it was too late.
"Lynn, I was meaning to save this until I graduated, but..."
I stuttered as I took out my wallet and pulled a small, golden ring with a diamond in the middle, and our names carved on the inside. The ring of love slipped perfectly into her finger, and I kissed it.
"Wiill you marry me Lynn? I know you can't talk, but just nod, or show me a sign!"
I waited. For a few minutes I was wondering if she was still conscience or alive. Then her eyes slowly opened and I saw through it, the most beautiful display of love that I have ever seen. It was her last way of speaking to my heart, surrendering her love and life to me. I was overwhelmed with ecstacy, but my body shuddered and I let forth a desperate cry for hope. I rushed over and held her gently, fully aware of her condition.
"God Lynn fight it! Don't leave me baby, don't leave me! I won't be who I am now without you baby. You're my redemption!"
"I need you!"
All my strength left me again, and I rested my head on the side of her bed, next to her arms, and with my knees on the ground. After a few minutes, after gathering enough energy, I stood up and looked at her. I wished that this was all a horrible nightmare and that maybe I would wake up right this moment. If I did, I would rush over to Lynn's house and hold her tightly. Then I'll propose to her and...
Back to reality...
I slowly walked out of the room.
"Well..." I said to her parents. "We all have to do what is best for her..."
(That meant...)
"So you already know what we've decided on right Victor? It is the hardest decision we had to make...but..." Her dad said.
"I understand sir..."
I stayed with her all night, all the way until they prepared to relieve her forever...
The moment of the last seconds of her life, she managed to look at me, knowing what was going to happen. I couldn't stop myself from crying each time she blinked.
I mouthed to her, "I love you." and I felt the rush of sadness overwhelming me, so strongly that I felt like throwing up. I couldn't take it. I felt like dying.
Everything at that point seemed to slow down. It felt as if I was looking at myself and this whole room from a different point of view, from another person's view...I saw her eyes slowly closing, her mouth forming a slight smile of sadness. I sat there, staring, unable to speak or utter a single word.
I felt my body leaning forward and falling to the floor, trying desperately to grab hold of reality. I crawled to her bed and got on my knees. I took ahold of her hands and placed them against my mouth as I gently kissed them - knowing I'll never get to kiss them again after this. I brushed my fingers against her soft pale lips, and lifeless cheeks.
"Lynn..."
[A year later]
I knelt down and placed a dozen fresh rose on the gray stones. I leaned forward and rubbed my fingers against her name, forever carved on a silver tablet.
"Lynn, you're still here aren't you?" I said silently to her carved name. "This is where you've laid all this time isn't it honey. You're right under me aren't you Lynn! You're so cruel...I can't even touch you now."
The box that I had placed a few weeks ago was still here, undisturbed. I knelt down to open it. For one foolish moment, I was hoping that her spirit had also opened this box, and that she had find this pearly white weddng dress with a beautiful tiara in it. Also inside the box was a picture of Homecoming, our first dance together. Written on the back of the picture was a brief message written from her to me...
Hey Sweetie,
Lookie! It's actually a picture of you & me! I will never forget this one special night I had with you. I love you baby!
Love always and forever,
Lynnie Nguyen
Mwah!
I closed the box, and sobbed quietly.
I stood up and brushed the dirt from my knees. Life without Lynn had been indescribably painful. The only thing keeping me alive right now is the thought of her, and a pink necklace she gave me years ago.
Sometimes I can hear her voice, flowing with the wind, whispering my name. Maybe she's in heaven right now, trying to reach me. Maybe she's right beside me, holding my hands to guide me through.
Maybe she's singing our song for me right now, hoping that it would ease away the pain I've kept inside.
Lynn, without you, I could never be who I was or wanted to be. Your love was my energy, my strength. You were my life...
Lost Love Author: Khoi Nguyen
<span style="color:#333399">I stood above the gray stone, staring into the moonlit sky. I wondered what it would be like if she was here with me right now, holding my hand, watching the stars with me. I sigh deeply. I can almost hear the wind whisper her name into my ears.
Sometimes I even visualize seeing her walking down the lonely street in front of my house...
She was so beautiful, so loving. Her heart was so pure and true, and no one had loved me more than she did. I've never loved anyone as much as her...even to this day. I still write poems about her, hoping that one day I could take it along with me when I meet her in the future.
I smiled. She did like my poetry a lot, and my singing. Hell, her voice was so angelic, that her singing often soothed me when I felt depressed.
I closed my eyes for a second, on how it all started. Hey, maybe someday I could write this down and make it a story for others to read, and maybe they'll understand how it feels...
[One year ago]
"Victor!" said Lynn.
I turn around to see my girlfriend running towards me. She almost fell as she tripped against the sidewalk trying to catch up with me, as I was walking away from the school ground.
Laughing, I waited for her to catch up, "Oh great, I was hoping you didn't see me!" I tried to give her a serious face, and she slapped me in the arm.
"You're so mean. I don't like you anymore!" She said. But she started smiling and I gave her a big hug.
"Anyway, I wanted to ask you if you can drive me to New Orleans on Friday. My aunt's getting married, so I have to be there as one of the bridesmaid." She said.
I made it look like I was thinking really hard on whether I should take her or not. But of course, I said yes.
[The next day]
"Hey honey, help me pick out what I'm going to wear tomorrow." She excitedly proclaimed before she walked in the dressing room.
[Fifteen minutes later]
I shook my head when she walked out with a blue spaghetti-strap dress that looked like two sizes bigger than her. It looked so ridiculous, and even though I tried for a seecond to hold back my laugh, it just came out.
"You look really out of style Lynn. Did your fashionably challenged sister pick that out for you?"
She looked really mad. "Fine then! Go somewhere else if you don't want to help me..."
I apologized and said, "I was only joking Lynn, you know you look fine in any dress you wear!"
I knew she liked hearing that, although she acted like she didn't really care. I could tell by the way she blinked, that she was happy to hear me compliment her.
My girlfriend is so beautiful. Her dark brown eyes always seemed to have a spark in them. It's incredibly mesmerizing. Of course she tends to let her hair sway in front of her face, covering up one eye. Her soft pink lips are perfectly shaped to her face structure, and the smiles that she makes always drive me crazy.
"Anyway," she said. "What about this white gown here, it looks really pretty and it's a lot tighter too."
"You're not the one getting married," I said with a sigh. "I think you should try on that light blue dress. It will definitely look really sexy on you. You'll most likely be more beautiful than the bride and all the other ugly bridesmaid there! Not that I would pay attention to them you know..."
She started blushing, while I busted out laughing about it. "You think so honey?" She asked.
"I know so." I replied. "Besides, save that when we get married...ok?"
[Friday afternoon]
We drove down to New Orleans, to her aunt's house. The trip was about two hours away from where we lived.
When we arrived, everybody was busy running around, getting ready for the wedding. Lynn hurriedly ran into the house as soon as we pulled up into the driveway.
I knew I was in for a long day.
An hour later, when I arrived at the church and the second I stepped out of my car some of her relatives hurried me inside.
The ceremony had already begun, and I was late.
All throughout the wedding, my girlfriend looked so happy for her aunt and soon to be uncle-in-law. I would often see her glancing at me with such loving eyes. I already knew what she was thinking about, the first time she looked at me.
When the couple finished saying their vows, and during all the hollering and hooting, Lynn started crying. She leaned over to me and hugged me.
"What's wrong Lynn?" I asked. "Look, if it's anything I might have said earlier, please forgive me. You know how much I like to joke around and such."
It always makes me feel bad to see my girlfriend cry, no matter what the occasion or cause.
"Nothing’s wrong." she muttered softly.
She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "I’m just...so lucky to have you. Even though I don’t always say that I love you, you know I really do honey."
I ran my hand slowly through her hair and said, "I know Lynn, I know..."
[Reception, later that night]
"You know how I feel about you drinking Vic." Lynn said. "It’s very unhealthy for you."
I nodded in reply to her, "I know Lynn, this is just a little toast. Don’t be so uptight about it."
"Uptight?" She asked silently. "The only reason I would even mention it is because I care about your health. Maybe I shouldn't say anything." Lynn then turned her attention back to her meal and did not look up at me after that.
I placed my wine glass down and said, "Lynn, don't be like this. It's your aunt's wedding, you should be happy. It's not like I constantly drink you know. I'm only doing this for some enjoyment."
Lynn sighed and stood up.
"Go ahead! Drink all you want. I understand you don't find much enjoyment out of just being here with me. Maybe I'm just selfish!"
I could tell she took my words the wrong way again. Lynn turned around and walked quickly out of the reception hall.
I sighed. People were looking at me, some shaking their heads, while some looked like they felt sorry for me. I guess I could say I was used to this sort of unwanted attention, whenever I was with her. It was quite amusing, actually.
I excused myself, stood up and followed her outside.
"Lynn!" I called. She stopped walking but didn’t turn around.
I could tell she was crying.
"I’m sorry about what I said." I tried to explain. "You know I didn’t mean it like that. I know how much you worry about me honey."
"No, you didn’t mean it...but it still hurts." She turned around and tried to smile, unsuccessfully.
"I’m alright I guess. Sorry I must be on my period. You know how it is sometimes don't you?"
That got me laughing. But I also knew she wasn’t going to let me get off the hook that easily.
Lynn then said. "Well, now that we kind of settled this, let’s go. I got to stop by my aunt’s house real quick, she wants me to bring her the blue dress so she can wear later on tonight." I agreed, of course.
We did not talk much during our drive to her aunt's house. I really felt bad for having that one drink and making her mad. Of course, by now I couldn't feel the effect of the alcohol anymore.
"Victor?" Lynn asked.
"Yes baby?"
"When you said earlier that afternoon about how I should wait till we get married...did you really mean it?" She asked.
Without turning my head, I asked innocently, "Which part? The one about you saving that white dress, or the one about us getting married?"
She was quiet for a second, then replied. "About us getting married..."
I looked at her; "I want to marry you Lynn. But after I graduate, and able to support you and our kids."
She nodded, and smiled. "I would really like that...living the rest of my life with you."
"Of course! I'll have plenty of fun with you at night." I laughed aloud.
Lynn frowned and hit me on the back of my head. "You pervert!"
We both ended up smiling.
Later on that night, after getting the dress.
"Well I'm riding on fumes again. I guess I have to refuel." I thought.
I pulled up to the nearest gas station after I got off the interstate. It was late, and they were only accepting payment through a window. I paid fifteen dollars and went back to refuel my car.
Today had been such a long day, considering all that's happened. We still had to get the dress back to Lynn's aunt and possibly do some karaoke after that.
Maybe after that Lynn and I could go watch a movie or something...
"Alright buddy, put the gas pump back in place and slowly turn around." I heard someone say.
I turned around to see a guy pointing a gun at me. I slowly put the pump back and closed the valve.
He had a mask on, so I couldn't see his face at all. He opened the back door, and said, "Slowly get in your seat and drive."
I opened the door, to see Lynn with a scared, panicky look on her face. I tried to give her a reassuring look, but it didn't work very well.
"Ok pal, drive off onto the interstate. I'll tell you where to go from there." he said, while in the back seat.
I drove on...
At this moment, my mind was racing back and forth. I tried to think of what to do to avoid being killed, but at the same time, prevent him from doing us any real harm...or do something bad to my girlfriend.
I thought about situations where I might be able to grab his gun, or maybe jump him when he's not looking. But, it all came out faulty.
I mean, I only saw these kind of stuff happening in movies, not now...not here...not while I had someone else to worry about...
Lynn was quietly sobbing beside me. I wondered what she was thinking about.
I felt utterly useless
We drove for ten minutes, before I had to pull off into an exit, which I was unfamiliar with.
"Turn right here, into that parking lot." He said. "Get out of the car there."
At this point I was frantically pacing back and forth inside my head, wondering what was going to happen next. God how I hoped we weren't in this situation right now...
We got out of the car, and so did he.
. "Don't try to do anything reckless hero, or something might happen to you and your girlfriend there. Just get to the front of the car - both of you!"
I turn around after walking up in front of the car. Lynn cried softly and inched over behind me slowly.
"Alright man, take the car. Just please don't hurt us." I said slowly and calmly.
"Don't tell me what to do!" He shouted.
Lynn cried softly and begged for him not to hurt us, that he had what he wanted, so just leave us alone.
I don't know if that was what made him mad, or that he just wanted to, because the next thing I know, I heard a loud BANG, and felt a sharp pain to the riight of my stomach.
I fell backward and heard another scream echoing in my ear. It came from Lynn.
Then I heard another BANG and I knew what had happened.
I felt the air escaping from my throat as I let out a scream, "Nooo!" My mind was unconcious for I could not hear my own scream as it echoed into the night.
I knew what had happened, because I saw Lynn fall quickly to the ground - her head hitting the cement. Blood was quickly seeping through her clothes.
I also heard the car screeching, and saw my car's tail lights dimming out as I struggled to get up.
I crawled over to Lynn to see her shaking, and sweating profusely. Tears were flowing down from my eyes so hard that I could barely see straight.
I managed to tear off my shirt and pressed down on her bullet wound. She cried and screamed in pain.
"Just hold on baby, just hold on!" I said frantically.
I inspected my wound and found that the bullet that grazed an area above my waist, though I was bleeding pretty bad.
I covered it by tying a portion of my shirt tightly over my whole waist. It was very painful, but I knew that it wasn't nearly as bad as Lynn's wound.
I knew I had to find help, and fast. I held down on Lynn's wound while looking around the parking lot. It was deserted and so was most of the surrounding area.
By putting my arms under her knees and neck, I was able to lift her gently onto my arms and positioned against me. I felt weak and weary at the time, but the adrenaline must have been released inside of me, for I felt the strength surge through my body.
I couldn't stop the tears from falling, because as I walked down the road, she would wince in pain and cried softly, with her head leaning on my chest.
I couldn't stop looking at her...so helpless, but at the same time, still holding onto with all her will.
She struggled to speak to me, but failed cause she would either cough or choke on her own words. Her eyes never dried up, and neither did mine. I told her to save her strength and try to hold on. My shirt managed to somewhat hold off the bleeding for her, but I was drenched in my own blood.
I didn't care, because it wasn't my life I was worried about...it was hers.
The deserted road was long and dark. I stumbled a couple of times. There were even moments of carrying her that I felt I couldn't hold on anymore. But I knew I just had to... I just had to for her...
This was during the month of August, and the cool wind aided me as I carried her in my arms.
She could not fall asleep because of her acute pain. I tried talking to her to keep her mind away from our troubles.
I reminisced back to how I first met her, how she had walked down that lonely hall, and where I first had the courage to talk to her - six years ago, when we were still teenagers.
"Lynn, you've changed who I was back when I first met you. I was a wreck, I didn't even have much of a future then. When you moved away a few years after that, I was devavstated!"
I talked about when she first sang to me, or how she had first asked me to dance, alone, outside on the school's parking lot.
With a small chuckle, I realized that was when I had really felt my love for her.
"Remember my pick-up line Lynn?" I asked. "I think it went something like this... I matched each stars with something that I liked about you. I was doing fine, until I ran out of stars."
Lynn managed to open her eyes and smile softly at me. I gazed down into her sad eyes and gently stroked her cheeks.
"Hold on Lynn." I said. "I won't let you die... remember, I promised you that we would get married, and that we'll have a wonderful life together. I even have your wedding ring in my wallet honey, just in case I found the right moment for us! Please don't die..."
I saw Lynn's lip curve slowly into a smile again. She then leaned her head against my chest and took slow, long breaths.
"I had promised you, that no matter what, I will always take care of you. Remember baby? Remember? We can't end our lives like this! I won't lose you!" I screamed into the night.
I saw lights behind me, and turned to see a car stopping on the road beside me.
The window of the car rolled down and I said quickly. "Help us please! My girlfriend and I got mugged. She's hurt badly, and I need to get her to a hospital quick!"
A man jumped out of the car and opened the passenger's door for me, and said, "Hurry young man, I'll get you two to a hospital."
I was so grateful for this savior, but I didn't know what else to do but nod at him and climbed in the car.
We had Lynn laid on the seat with her head gently placed on my lap. The stranger quickly took off to the hospital...
During the ride, I felt so relieved. I told the stranger my story.
I didn't really talk much to him cause I was really worried about Lynn.
My wound was still painful, but I was fine.
I looked down at Lynn, realizing how much I had really cared for her, all this time. It takes something like this, something so wrong, and so hard, to make me realize it...
Lynn closed her eyes for a few seconds, then opened them to look at me. She softly said, "I love you..."
I leaned down to kiss her on the lips and brush her beautiful hair before saying, "I love you too..."
When we arrived at the hospital, I carried Lynn in. I was screaming, "I need a doctor quick!"
Soon they had her on a stretcher and rushed to ER and were trying to force me on one too.
"No!"I shouted, as I tried to follow her. "I want to be with her!"
I didn't care about myself at the moment. All I thought about was Lynn!
"Lynn! Don't leave me!" I shouted. "Wait for me Lynn..."
My knees gave out and I collapsed, hitting the cold floor before I passed out.
"Lynn, doesn't this night seem so peaceful? We're all alone out here."
Lynn is looking at me. What should I do? I don't even know how to kiss a girl properly. Should I kiss her? Her lips looks so soft!
"Victor, I...I love you"
She had to be serious! But it can't be, I didn't know I was good enough to deserve this.
"What did you say Lynn?"
"Victor you've made me love you in a way that I've never even gave to myself. I never thought I'd have to chance to confess to you that I love you"
She gave me a big smile and I held her chin up with my fingers, and leaned forward to kiss her.
"Guess what Lynn?"
"I love you too..."
Love is not two souls finding each other, but one soul finding it's other half.
-Unknown
[Next Morning]
I woke up to the light beaming in from outside the hospital's window. It was around nine o'clock in the morning. I looked around to see flowers on a desk and my clothes hung on the bed. A nurse walked in.
"Where is Lynn?" I asked.
She looked at me sympathetically. I knew something was wrong...
"You did a wonderful thing, and although you are healing, your girlfriend is on life-support right now..."
"What?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing...
"Well evidently, the bullet damaged many of the functional systems near her heart, and along her muscles. When you brought her in, her heart was failing and the doctors could not stabilize it."
I jumped out of bed and ran for the door. "Lynn!" I shouted.
I was so confused. I couldn't believe it. Nothing's supposed to happen to Lynn.
Some of the other nurses pointed me to where Lynn was, and I rushed there, crying.
I found her aunt, and all her family, plus mine, outside her room...
"Victor." Her dad said. "I want to thank you for taking care of Lynn...but..."
I didn't even talk to my family, for they understood what I was going through, so they just let me pass.
I pushed open the door. Lynn was inside, attached to a machine.
"Is she going to be alright?" I asked.
"The doctors were unable to help her. The best they could do right now is to put her on life-support. They've tried their best, there's nothing else that can be done now, except to pray. Lynn is dying..." Her dad said.
His eyes were red and teary. No longer was the strong man that I had met when Lynn first introduced me to her warm family.
I hugged him and then talked to Lynn's family for a bit.
"The doctors said that the painkillers they gave her won't have much effect for long.
She's be in tremendous amount of pain by either tonight or tomorrow..." Her mom said.
I felt my heart shatter, just by knowing that...
I asked, "So...what did they recommend?"
Her parents looked at each other, slowly turned their heads towards me with watery eyes. Her dad said, "They suggest that she either stays here till she goes...or..."
"Or what?"
"Or...that we agree...to pull the plug..."
My legs gave way and I fell hard against the chair. No! I can't bare to see her in pain...but I don't want to lose her like that...
"Isn't there another option!?"
"No Victor, I'm afraid there's not" Her mom said and burst out crying.
My dad walked over and held me tightly. It had been a long time since I've received a hug from my dad. I moved back a step and asked him, "Do you have my wallet dad?"
"Yes I do, it was in your pants. I took them out just in case." My dad replied.
I whispered, "Thank you"
I walked over to Lynn slowly, and watched her as she slept peacefully in front of me, probably unaware of what was happening.
If someone had seen her now, they would have never guessed all the things she's been through - her pain, her struggle, her love.
People would never know what she was like before this...before she was strapped to this machine...I do...and that's why it's killing me inside right now...
She moaned softly and stirred a little. I tried to dry my eyes, but god, the tears won't stop coming...
"Baby? Remember how I told you I would always take care of you? Well, I can't do that anymore for you baby...I'm sorry..."
"I couldn't protect you when you needed me the most. I couldn't ease your pains, nor could I take any of it away. I'm useless" I cried. " I know you're trying your best to be alive for me baby. We'll never get the chance to live with each other, like we've planned to. Maybe I should have bought you that dress you've wanted to wear, so at least I would have seen what you would have looked like, how it would have been if you were marrying me... I'll go pick out that dress today ok? I'll bring it to you, and leave it next to your side."
I knelt down and gently took her hands into mine. I know she could not physically control her body, but I could tell she was aware of my presence. I had to do this before it was too late.
"Lynn, I was meaning to save this until I graduated, but..."
I stuttered as I took out my wallet and pulled a small, golden ring with a diamond in the middle, and our names carved on the inside. The ring of love slipped perfectly into her finger, and I kissed it.
"Wiill you marry me Lynn? I know you can't talk, but just nod, or show me a sign!"
I waited. For a few minutes I was wondering if she was still conscience or alive. Then her eyes slowly opened and I saw through it, the most beautiful display of love that I have ever seen. It was her last way of speaking to my heart, surrendering her love and life to me. I was overwhelmed with ecstacy, but my body shuddered and I let forth a desperate cry for hope. I rushed over and held her gently, fully aware of her condition.
"God Lynn fight it! Don't leave me baby, don't leave me! I won't be who I am now without you baby. You're my redemption!"
"I need you!"
All my strength left me again, and I rested my head on the side of her bed, next to her arms, and with my knees on the ground. After a few minutes, after gathering enough energy, I stood up and looked at her. I wished that this was all a horrible nightmare and that maybe I would wake up right this moment. If I did, I would rush over to Lynn's house and hold her tightly. Then I'll propose to her and...
Back to reality...
I slowly walked out of the room.
"Well..." I said to her parents. "We all have to do what is best for her..."
(That meant...)
"So you already know what we've decided on right Victor? It is the hardest decision we had to make...but..." Her dad said.
"I understand sir..."
I stayed with her all night, all the way until they prepared to relieve her forever...
The moment of the last seconds of her life, she managed to look at me, knowing what was going to happen. I couldn't stop myself from crying each time she blinked.
I mouthed to her, "I love you." and I felt the rush of sadness overwhelming me, so strongly that I felt like throwing up. I couldn't take it. I felt like dying.
Everything at that point seemed to slow down. It felt as if I was looking at myself and this whole room from a different point of view, from another person's view...I saw her eyes slowly closing, her mouth forming a slight smile of sadness. I sat there, staring, unable to speak or utter a single word.
I felt my body leaning forward and falling to the floor, trying desperately to grab hold of reality. I crawled to her bed and got on my knees. I took ahold of her hands and placed them against my mouth as I gently kissed them - knowing I'll never get to kiss them again after this. I brushed my fingers against her soft pale lips, and lifeless cheeks.
"Lynn..."
[A year later]
I knelt down and placed a dozen fresh rose on the gray stones. I leaned forward and rubbed my fingers against her name, forever carved on a silver tablet.
"Lynn, you're still here aren't you?" I said silently to her carved name. "This is where you've laid all this time isn't it honey. You're right under me aren't you Lynn! You're so cruel...I can't even touch you now."
The box that I had placed a few weeks ago was still here, undisturbed. I knelt down to open it. For one foolish moment, I was hoping that her spirit had also opened this box, and that she had find this pearly white weddng dress with a beautiful tiara in it. Also inside the box was a picture of Homecoming, our first dance together. Written on the back of the picture was a brief message written from her to me...
Hey Sweetie,
Lookie! It's actually a picture of you & me! I will never forget this one special night I had with you. I love you baby!
Love always and forever,
Lynnie Nguyen
Mwah!
I closed the box, and sobbed quietly.
I stood up and brushed the dirt from my knees. Life without Lynn had been indescribably painful. The only thing keeping me alive right now is the thought of her, and a pink necklace she gave me years ago.
Sometimes I can hear her voice, flowing with the wind, whispering my name. Maybe she's in heaven right now, trying to reach me. Maybe she's right beside me, holding my hands to guide me through.
Maybe she's singing our song for me right now, hoping that it would ease away the pain I've kept inside.
Lynn, without you, I could never be who I was or wanted to be. Your love was my energy, my strength. You were my life...
