Ngoc Nguyen
New Member
New Toilet Policy
Staff Notice
With immediate effect, a toilet policy will be established to provide a more
consistent method of accounting for staff, ensuring effective time
management and equal treatment for all. On the first day of every month, all
staff will be issued 20 toilet trip credits which may be accumulated.
The doors to all toilets will be equipped with computer-linked voice
recognition devices. Staff must immediately provide management with two
voiceprints, one normal and one under stress. Once the employee's toilet
trip bank reaches zero, the doors of the toilet will not unlock for the
employee's voice until the first of the month.
In addition, all cubicles are to be equipped with timed paper-roll
extractors. If the toilet is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm
will sound. Thirty seconds later, the roll of toilet paper will retract into
the dispenser, the toilet will flush and the door will open automatically.
If the toilet remains occupied, your photograph will be taken by a security
camera and will appear on the Toilet Offenders Board. Anyone appearing three
times will forfeit three months' toilet trip credits. Anyone caught smiling
when the photograph is taken will
undergo counseling by a clinical psychologist.
Be advised that workmen's compensation insurance does not cover any injuries
incurred while trying to stop the toilet paper retracting into the
dispenser.
------------------------------
Super Market mistake
This guy is in line at the Super Market when he notices a hot blonde
behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is stunned that such a hottie would be waving to him, and although
familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do
you know me?"
She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of
one of my children!"
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful,
"Christ!" he says "are you that stripper at my bachelor party that I had on
the pool table in front of all my friends, while your partner whipped me
with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ass?"
"No" she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher"
Staff Notice
With immediate effect, a toilet policy will be established to provide a more
consistent method of accounting for staff, ensuring effective time
management and equal treatment for all. On the first day of every month, all
staff will be issued 20 toilet trip credits which may be accumulated.
The doors to all toilets will be equipped with computer-linked voice
recognition devices. Staff must immediately provide management with two
voiceprints, one normal and one under stress. Once the employee's toilet
trip bank reaches zero, the doors of the toilet will not unlock for the
employee's voice until the first of the month.
In addition, all cubicles are to be equipped with timed paper-roll
extractors. If the toilet is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm
will sound. Thirty seconds later, the roll of toilet paper will retract into
the dispenser, the toilet will flush and the door will open automatically.
If the toilet remains occupied, your photograph will be taken by a security
camera and will appear on the Toilet Offenders Board. Anyone appearing three
times will forfeit three months' toilet trip credits. Anyone caught smiling
when the photograph is taken will
undergo counseling by a clinical psychologist.
Be advised that workmen's compensation insurance does not cover any injuries
incurred while trying to stop the toilet paper retracting into the
dispenser.
------------------------------
Super Market mistake
This guy is in line at the Super Market when he notices a hot blonde
behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is stunned that such a hottie would be waving to him, and although
familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do
you know me?"
She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of
one of my children!"
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful,
"Christ!" he says "are you that stripper at my bachelor party that I had on
the pool table in front of all my friends, while your partner whipped me
with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ass?"
"No" she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher"